Thursday, August 16, 2007
Another weekend - another festival
I just wanted to put this up on the web for any of you good readers who still check this site in the hopes of finding news. Someone is going to the V festival tomorrow! That would be me by the way. Just a short teaser
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Fear and Loathing in air travel
"Be careful what you wish for." How many times have I heard that? Well dear reader let me tell you that I have certainly not heard it enough. This entry finds me at a desk in a Hilton Hotel in Glasgow, drowning - professionally at least.
I have been working toward this for the last two years. I am out here on the company dollar - with total credit. However, I have no one to share it with. I need my lawyer! Get him over here so we can get deep into the essence of this business travel beast.
The recent terror attacks on the airports of the United Kingdom have made the transportation of narcotics, hard or soft, an act for an even more exclusive group of lunatics, ner-do-wells and in-debt to their eyeballs mules. No fair friend the risks of moving illicit substances, on your person or within your luggage, by air are now just too high. Those bastard fringe groups will one day payt the price for what they have done to we harmless, idiosincratic perveyours of total personal freedom. Their attacks on our air links have only hardened the resolve of the powers that be. The terrorist's cause lost on us the general public as we all swear - sometimes silently but normally screaming from our angry, waiting eyes - as we wait in ever increasing lines that move ever slower until eventually they will just stop.
You read this and think what weird rant is he going on this time? Well let me get there - in my own way! Stop interupting me! Damnit, now I have lost the whole thread of this post.... Give me some time to review it and find my flow again...
Yes, there it is again - lines in airports that don't move. The terrorists have cottened onto this already. And have already changed their plan of attack. Look at the incident at Glasgow Airport three weeks or so ago. Some fundamentalists got together up here in Scotland and decided it was time for the Scottish sects to throw their terror hats into the mix. Can you imagine!
"How are ya doin' the' Jimmy Seek?"
"Naught, to complain aboot and yew Jimmy?"
"Na, naught here either, what say yew and I go awf and do us a litl' terror act in Glasgow?"
"Ay, auf we go then Jimmy!"
"Ay, for our Muslem brother's in Iraq!"
"Ay!"
So off they go bomb paced into the back of a grand cherocke Jeep. But this attack was different. They hit the airport. Why? Well the lines, thats why dear friend. Why take the chance with getting that bomb through security to attempt to blow up a plane load of passengers and take out whatever the fireball is lucky enough to hit? Why, indead when you can hit the airport, full to the brim with waiting passengers who are going nowhere - not for the next 24hrs at least. No sir the averages are against hitting the plane. What 100 - 400 passengers - 10 crew and whoever was unlucky enough to be standing under their umbrella, feet deep in water on this wet island. When you can hit thousands of angry, waiting queues of people. And all without having to clear security!
Show no fear dear friend - keep an eye out while queuing at the check in and remmeber to relax on the other side - shoes back on - duty free ahead of you and luggage stores everywhere - in case you forgot not only to pack properly but rather to take anything with you at all for fear of it being destroyed either by the terrorists or the baggage handlers.
Mahalo
I have been working toward this for the last two years. I am out here on the company dollar - with total credit. However, I have no one to share it with. I need my lawyer! Get him over here so we can get deep into the essence of this business travel beast.
The recent terror attacks on the airports of the United Kingdom have made the transportation of narcotics, hard or soft, an act for an even more exclusive group of lunatics, ner-do-wells and in-debt to their eyeballs mules. No fair friend the risks of moving illicit substances, on your person or within your luggage, by air are now just too high. Those bastard fringe groups will one day payt the price for what they have done to we harmless, idiosincratic perveyours of total personal freedom. Their attacks on our air links have only hardened the resolve of the powers that be. The terrorist's cause lost on us the general public as we all swear - sometimes silently but normally screaming from our angry, waiting eyes - as we wait in ever increasing lines that move ever slower until eventually they will just stop.
You read this and think what weird rant is he going on this time? Well let me get there - in my own way! Stop interupting me! Damnit, now I have lost the whole thread of this post.... Give me some time to review it and find my flow again...
Yes, there it is again - lines in airports that don't move. The terrorists have cottened onto this already. And have already changed their plan of attack. Look at the incident at Glasgow Airport three weeks or so ago. Some fundamentalists got together up here in Scotland and decided it was time for the Scottish sects to throw their terror hats into the mix. Can you imagine!
"How are ya doin' the' Jimmy Seek?"
"Naught, to complain aboot and yew Jimmy?"
"Na, naught here either, what say yew and I go awf and do us a litl' terror act in Glasgow?"
"Ay, auf we go then Jimmy!"
"Ay, for our Muslem brother's in Iraq!"
"Ay!"
So off they go bomb paced into the back of a grand cherocke Jeep. But this attack was different. They hit the airport. Why? Well the lines, thats why dear friend. Why take the chance with getting that bomb through security to attempt to blow up a plane load of passengers and take out whatever the fireball is lucky enough to hit? Why, indead when you can hit the airport, full to the brim with waiting passengers who are going nowhere - not for the next 24hrs at least. No sir the averages are against hitting the plane. What 100 - 400 passengers - 10 crew and whoever was unlucky enough to be standing under their umbrella, feet deep in water on this wet island. When you can hit thousands of angry, waiting queues of people. And all without having to clear security!
Show no fear dear friend - keep an eye out while queuing at the check in and remmeber to relax on the other side - shoes back on - duty free ahead of you and luggage stores everywhere - in case you forgot not only to pack properly but rather to take anything with you at all for fear of it being destroyed either by the terrorists or the baggage handlers.
Mahalo
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